Feeling Alive
by 2olluxampora
Summary: "Relax. I already said it wasn't a joke. You're a fucking lame boyfriend, so get used to it." Sollux, a ghost haunting the school he died at, starts to realize that he has a crush on his best (and only) friend. Karkat objects to being called a lame boyfriend. Posted on AO3 in 2014.


It had been several months and Sollux was becoming increasingly anxious about the impending summer. Time with Karkat had greatly improved life there, but being without him for three whole months would be exactly the same as before they had met. Possibly even worse now that he knew there was someone so wonderful, and who cared about him besides. Karkat was arguably the best friend he had, in life or death. They seemed to understand each other almost instantly. Quite honestly, Sollux had been developing a crush on the living boy for awhile now.

"Sollux Captor, I swear I will stab your nonexistent body if that was a joke!" Just like that, a boring, peaceful afternoon had been interrupted courtesy of Karkat Vantas. What was he even on about anyway? It took a few moments, but then Sollux was able to figure it out. That homework assignment. Had he only just seen that? All he had done was add the words 'lamea22 boyfriiend' after Karkat's name on the paper.

"Oh, right, that. Well, it wasn't meant as a joke, but I guess it would make me kind of an asshole to act like you have to take it seriously, considering we aren't actually...dating...technically." Sollux found himself stumbling over his words, trying to get them out as quickly as possible before Karkat could voice any objections. "But you're skipping class to talk to me about this, KK."

Truthfully, the ghost liked that he was deemed important enough to leave class and run back to their room for. And Karkat had very clearly been running, judging by him trying to catch his breath, and his flushed face. Sollux could picture it, the shorter boy sneaking out of the building where most classes were held only to start sprinting across campus, offending piece of paper in hand.

"Fuck class, you infuriating douchecanoe! Is it a joke or not?" Karkat was clearly worked up about it, almost enough to make Sollux feel bad about having done it. On the other hand, it clearly addressed the elephant that had been in the room since September.

Sollux rolled his eyes. It was ridiculous that he still had to ask that. He had even said that it wasn't a joke less than five minutes before! Going corporeal with a quiet huff, he stepped forward and put his hands on Karkat's shoulders. "Relax. I already said it wasn't a joke. You're a fucking lame boyfriend, so get used to it."

There was a full minute of dead silence. They just stared at each other, Sollux's hands still resting lightly on Karkat's shoulders. It took so long to get any sort of response that he started to fear he had somehow broken the other boy.

Finally, he couldn't resist the temptation to poke his cheek. "KK, are you dead? Have you joined me? Are you going into shock?" Sollux snickered, pressing their foreheads together. Then, Karkat finally blinked.

"What the fuck, Sollux? I'm not lame! I'm the polar fucking opposite of lame! I'm the best boyfriend ever!" At least a belligerent Karkat was better than a catatonic one. His comment only made Sollux laugh more, reminding him of the first day they met. That day they had wound up laughing together too.

"Sorry to break it to you, but you are. You haven't even kissed me yet." Not that there had been very many opportunities for Karkat to do so as of yet, but that wasn't the point. Naturally, as soon as he said that, his friend (or, he supposed, boyfriend now) leaned in to try to do just that.

Purely for the enjoyment of teasing him, Sollux let himself once again become incorporeal. Not expecting this to happen, Karkat fell forward onto the floor.

Sollux snickered, just watching Karkat lay on the floor. He appeared to have completely given up on everything.

"I hate you," he muttered into the carpet. "When did I ever agree to date you?" Still laughing quietly to himself, Sollux reached down to help him up. After all this time of being friends, he would've thought that Karkat would be expecting that trick. But he hadn't, and that made it far funnier.

"When you fell in love with me for my wit and stunning good looks, obviously." He grinned, pulling Karkat back to his feet. "I mean, not everyone gets the opportunity to say their boyfriend's a ghost. You had to take the chance while you had it." He then opted to let go of Karkat's hand in order to wrap his arms around him instead.

In the moment before he leaned in to kiss him, Sollux worried that this was a bad idea. How would this relationship even work? For now, it would be more or less the same as the friendship they had had going for the year so far. But it would make it that much harder over the summer and when Karkat graduated. Forcing those thoughts to the back of his mind, Sollux closed the gap and pressed their lips together.

Sollux had expected there to be a temperature difference, but there was far more of one than he noticed just from casual touches and Karkat flopping over his lap. It was apparently just as shocking to the other as well, because Karkat reflexively jerked back almost immediately.

"Jesus, you're so cold!" Hearing Karkat say that made Sollux just stare back at him blankly.

"KK. I'm dead. What did you expect? It's like kissing a corpse...I know...Not exactly much I can do about that." Sollux started to trail off and mutter halfway through it, biting his lip nervously. If only his solidity extended as far as body heat.

"It's fine. Really, it isn't that bad. I'll get used to it." Karkat smiled encouragingly. A moment afterwards, he kissed him again. Slightly less preoccupied with his own mortality and the issues that came with it, Sollux was able to fully notice and appreciate the warmth that life provided.

Stifling a laugh into the kiss, Sollux pulled away just enough to speak. "You're really warm. I forgot what it was like to be so fucking warm." Even besides the warmth radiating from him, they were close together enough that Sollux could nearly feel Karkat breathing. It made him miss being alive, but at the same time, not experiencing any of these things for so long made him appreciate the experience that much more.

Someday in the future, his boyfriend would stop breathing too, reduced to the limbo-like nothing as Sollux. Right now though, it was easy to forget that and imagine that he would live forever. Karkat's pure passion evident in everything he did made him seem no less than immortal.

"We should've done this so much sooner," Karkat murmured. Sollux definitely agreed with that sentiment, and he felt himself grinning like a total dork. By this point though, it had been perhaps fifteen minutes since Karkat had run out of class so frantically. If only both of them were free of obligations like school.

"Don't you think you should go back to English, lameass boyfriend?" Sollux asked it teasingly, making no move to let go of him. Honestly, he didn't want him to go, even if it was just for a couple of hours. Skipping one afternoon of classes wouldn't kill him. All the same, Karkat was only there on scholarship, and if he wound up in detention too many times, it could be revoked. Then they would have even worse problems than they already did.

"Why, so I can write poems about how deeply in love I am with you?" That was the sort of response Karkat might give him before that day, but it had a different tone to it now. Before, it would just be a joke, a continuation of their repartee. Now, Sollux could tell that he really meant it. He wanted to run all across campus yelling, 'He loves me! Karkat Vantas is in love with me!' But alas, he had to settle for hugging him closer for a moment.

"What, you don't do that already? Don't the romcoms tell you to write cliché poetry for your one true love?" Sollux nudged him playfully, well aware of Karkat's love for romantic books and movies.

"I don't write poetry, you ignorant douche!" Karkat tried to look angry, but only succeeded in looking like he was suppressing laughter. "I don't," he repeated, shoving Sollux lightly. This was not very convincing. All Karkat had succeeded in doing was making Sollux even more confident that he had in fact written poetry before.

"So I'm just not worthy of sappy poetry?" Sollux was really starting to have fun teasing Karkat about this, especially since it delayed his boyfriend's departure from their room. "Sometimes you talk in your sleep though. I've heard my name before. What kind of dreams are you having about me, Karkat?" He arched an eyebrow, smirking. It was just too fun messing with him.

"It's not that you're not worthy, I just don't...Wait, what? No, I do not talk in my sleep, and I definitely don't dream about you!" Blushing somewhat now, and clearly frustrated, he pulled Sollux in for another kiss. Arms winding around the shorter boy's waist, Sollux was happy to melt into it for a moment. Within seconds, Karkat seemed less on edge, smiling faintly. Could he really have that much of an effect on him?

The ghost's pride at calming down the normally volatile teen only lasted a moment though, soon to be replaced with amused indignation. Just as they pulled away from the kiss, Karkat snatched his glasses off his face. Sollux hadn't been expecting it at all, and he just watched as the brunette slipped them on. Truthfully, he looked ridiculous. Most people couldn't pull off the bifurcation thing, Sollux thought.

"That's for being such a douchewaffle," Karkat declared. By now, Sollux was used to his unique insults, so he wasn't fazed in the slightest. It was one more memorable quality about his favorite person.

"You do realize that I could just take them back, right?" Deftly, Sollux reached over and took the glasses back. Determined to prevent this very thing from happening, Karkat opted to tackle him, pushing him down onto the bed. Sollux was convinced that he had planned to do that from the beginning and pulled him the rest of the way down on top of him, making a grab for the glasses.

After a few more minutes of fighting over them, Karkat scowled, but gave them back. "Only because I know if they get broken you'll kill me," he said. "And because they look better on you anyway."

"Both of those things are true," Sollux agreed, once again putting on his glasses. He had gotten them as some sort of special, limited-edition thing, and it was highly unlikely he would ever find something exactly the same. They had become his trademark thing, and nothing would seem quite right if he didn't have them.

Content with this small victory, Sollux relaxed, no longer offering any kind of resistance. Karkat was still mostly on top of him, and he seemed confused by the change. Eventually though, Sollux felt the tension leave him, and Karkat rested his head in the crook of the ghost's neck. When he was alive, Sollux would have found it bothersome to have someone so in his space. Death had changed some things about him, and this was one of the better ones. Now, cuddling with Karkat sounded like the best option by far.

"I wish I could just stay right here with you forever," Karkat admitted sheepishly. "Does that make me sound desperate as hell or not?" As he spoke, Sollux could feel the slight warmth of his breath on his neck. It wouldn't be as noticeable if he wasn't so completely tuned in to everything his boyfriend did, but the ghost felt that much closer to him because of it. Just as Sollux never failed to be amazed at things like pulse or breathing, it had taken time for Karkat to get used to there being a lack of those same things.

"Not really," came the reply. "Besides, anyone would be desperate to be with me as much as humanly possible. You know that I'd like to be with you for infinity." The words slipped out almost before he realized what he was saying. The implications of the statement were heavy, to say the least. He didn't want his boyfriend to die. That was an awful thing to think! At the same time, things would be so much easier if they were both ghosts haunting the school together.

"I didn't mean that," he muttered. "Well, I did, but I didn't mean that I hope you'll die or anything. Just that I don't want you to ever have to leave me when you don't want to." This was quickly becoming more emotional than Sollux had intended, but he wanted Karkat to know this.

"Stop worrying, asshole," Karkat grumbled. "You're going to ruin my good mood." Snuggling closer, he kissed Sollux softly. The dead boy saw right through the ploy to get him to shut up, but he melted into the kiss all the same. Others had used more unpleasant methods when they wanted him to stop talking.

"Oh, please, you're always grumpy anyway," Sollux said into the kiss, not wanting to pull away yet. Eventually, Karkat had to pull away to breathe, something that Sollux saw as nothing more than an annoyance. Really, life was pretty inconvenient most of the time.

A smirk plastered across his face like always, he waited for a retort from Karkat. Never a disappointment in terms of his arguing, ranting, or complaining skills, it took him only a few seconds. The reply came in the form of "I am not always grumpy, and if I am, it's your fault half the time." This was a completely false accusation in Sollux's mind, no matter how much he might be annoying at times. Even dead people were entitled to bad days.

Sollux just rolled his eyes and offered no rebuttal. It wasn't worth it to argue about something like this when they could be enjoying their time together. Karkat seemed to have the body heat of everyone else in the school put together, and there was no way in hell Sollux wasn't going to savor the moment as much as he possibly could.

They hadn't actually cuddled like this before, and that might've been surprising to anyone else looking in on their interactions. Ever since they first met and became friends, there was more touching than was customary between friends. Karkat would decide to lay across Sollux's legs, or sit on his lap. This quickly progressed to one playing with the other's hair, and even when Karkat wasn't outright on top of Sollux, they were sitting so close together that their legs wound up touching. This motivated Sollux to try and remain corporeal as much as he possibly could, since they would both crave contact otherwise. All of that had remained platonic in their eyes, but somehow they never wound up quite like this. Sprawled out on the bed, with Karkat laying completely on top of Sollux and the latter's arm slung around him in a sort of half-hug.

Something he hadn't predicted was exactly how comfortable this was. It made him wish that he could actually sleep, since doing so with Karkat may have helped with his insomnia when he was alive. Now, he could only occasionally achieve a zoned-out state close to unconsciousness. Once dead, sleep was no longer necessary or possible. Sighing softly, he looked at Karkat, gently running his fingers through his hair. Anybody would be incredibly lucky to be able to say "Karkat Vantas is my boyfriend."

"You really should go to class, you know." When Sollux saw how sleepy his boyfriend looked, he wished that he didn't have to say it. Karkat probably hadn't slept again the previous night. Sollux wished that he had told him; he might've been able to help. "Or I could always just cause a distraction..." he trailed off. He had scared entire classes before by doing stupid shit like knocking things over or whispering ominously. If he did that, the teacher might not even notice that Karkat wasn't there.

"Yes, please," muttered the tired Vantas. "Or don't, whatever. But I'm not moving from this bed. Subtle rebellion against the horrors of education." Ordinarily, Sollux would make some sort of jab about how it wasn't very effective rebellion, but just then, Karkat nuzzled into his chest more, and he couldn't bring himself to say anything.  
He was about to leave in search of students to scare shitless, but then he remembered something easier. The pad of late passes he had stolen for this very purpose. He could just forge a note, and his boyfriend could go back to class after some much-needed sleep.

"Just go to sleep, you fucking dork," he murmured affectionately, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "You didn't sleep again last night. I'll wake you up in time to get to math." Too tired to argue about it, Karkat just made a vague noise of acknowledgement.

He glanced at the clock, seeing that they had about a half an hour. It was boring at times to just sit around while Karkat was asleep, on the occasions that the shorter boy fell asleep on top of him. He could always use his 'ghostly powers,' as Karkat called them, to slip out from beneath him, but he never quite wanted to. It would be nice if he could fall asleep too...It was worth a shot.

Kissing him one more time, just because he wanted to, Sollux closed his eyes and resigned himself to the fact that there was nothing else to do at the moment. Sunshine was streaming in the window, and there was a tiny, adorable smile on Karkat's face. The ghost couldn't think of a better scenario, really. At this moment, he might even go as far as saying that he felt alive.


End file.
